I had to

I was over reading at Dad Gone Mad, this post specifically and came across this comment.

"Speaking as a submarine sailor, I consider myself well versed in the art of flowery language. There is a difference between obscenity and profanity. For those who don't know the difference; obscenities are something you wouldn't say around your mother or grandmother - but profanities are what she utters when she is really mad."-Sonarman

I found this comment so funny, I almost pissed myself I laughed sooo hard! Thanks for making me laugh!!

And the Stink Goes On...

I must confess (I have probably confessed this dozens of times on this blog) that I never truly realized what a frantic pace mothering would be. Never really thought about it actually. Got pregnant. Had baby. Got pregnant again. Had another baby. Frantic life ensues and just when I think it can't possibly get crazier than this (and no, I am not preggers again), the pace picks up.

Little Miss I Have Sass for your Ass has taken a no prisoners outlook on life right now. She is almost 4 (next month) and going through a very strenuous, for me, change. She hit the terrible twos early, ok, I thought, I can deal with a child that screams for anything and everything louder than foghorns. I can deal with tantrums and biting. I cannot deal with The Sass and The Whys. It has taken over and OMG! I seriously feel like some Exorcist shit is going on over here.

Anyway, a really funny thing happened today. I picked my Grams up to take her to the eye doctor, we went out for lunch (BBQ) and on to doctor's office. Once we were in the exam room, Chloe had to sit on my lap...remember, we had BBQ for lunch. She straddled my legs and sat calmly for all of like 10 seconds and she started fidgeting. Lean to the left. Now to the right. Now slide your butt, up to mom's face. Now down again. Now fart. Loudly. Yep. Not just a little one either. One that lasted a good while with little bumps. BBBPH.bmp bmp bmp BBBPH. bmp bmp bmp. And oh the stench. It filled up the room. It stuck to my pants. It made my eyes water and my nose run. All I could do was laugh hysterically while trying to choke out to her to please not do that again. She looked at me with big brown eyes and loudly proclaimed, "I farted!" As if everyone in the room didn't already know.

I have no patience

The Simpson's thing was cute but took waaaay too long to load on my page. I had to wait like 30 or more seconds to even start scrolling down! I deleted it because I cannot wait that long. It irritated me and I have enough in my life to irritate me so I got rid of it. There's enough cuteness here anyways without some bug-eyed Simpson's characters be bopping around. Don't believe me? Scroll down....

OMG!

Go read this over at Weird Girl. She's hilarious. Absolutely...one blog I really enjoy reading.

I am convinced

Chloe is deliberately trying to sabotage my sanity. I am also convinced she will be successful.

Just some quick updates

Everything is well here besides the Grand Canyon size fissure I feel has been made in my my mind and spirit lately due to large quantities of stress. The babes are wonderful. They are definitely consistent in their attempts for world domination starting with our house. One at a time...that's my motto. They are quite a team, those two. I don't stand a chance in hell around here these days! I gave two of my friends a ride today to the mechanics and to work and back this afternoon, after only a 20 minute ride they were winded and completely astounded that I do this not only daily but ALL day long. I too am amazed sometimes by my ability to do this.

The child support thing has been handled. It is finally done and while I thought I would find some peace of mind in it's completion, I haven't. C's dad is unhappy with the results and I see the past 4 years of trying to make this work sliding right through my fingers. I have attempted to talk to him since unsuccessfully. I don't want to give up on this but at the same time.....how much more can I be expected to do?

Both of my grandmothers are sick. One is out of the woods for now with a change of medication (she was taking too many different kinds of pills). Big surprise, right? The other has been acting really strange lately. Forgetting where she has put things. She's lost all of her pots and pans, her cookie sheets, multiple bags of dog food. Her speech is getting increasingly slurred. We thought maybe she was taking too many pain pills at first but as time has gone on it's gotten to be really alarming and at a Dr.'s appt Monday he said she was probably having a series of mini strokes. Because she has had 2 big ones in the past she is on medication to prevent them and there isn't much else they can do at this point. My uncle upon initial examination is suspected to have Hodgkins Disease. They are running more tests now to find out for sure. Gaah!!!!

Like I said before, Grand Canyon size fissure.

Update

I am updating this post. Go read, then read this.

Ok..done? Proceed.

We have reached an agreement between the two of us. One that I feel is fair for all parties. He thinks it's a lot of money but really the alternative is, we go to a judge and he gives me even more. We have a hearing tomorrow to set everything up through the state but now, instead of it being a fight or whatever, we can go in and say we have agreed upon this amount with these terms. The judge will verify and sign the papers and we will be done.

I can't wait.

Huh?

I sit here this morning at the table with the kids eating a breakfast that consists of half a bagel each, six strawberries, a hard-boiled egg and an extra large glass of milk......um yeah, my kids are like pigs or something. When Chloe asks me
"Mama, how did the egg crack?"
"What do you mean?"
She then holds the egg up with a very serious look and repeats (gesturing with said egg)
"How did this egg crack?"
"Well, do you mean how did it crack in the pot? Or when I peeled it? Or maybe you mean through the white to get to the yolk..?"
To which she says
"Uh huh."
I am once again left to ponder the question, what in the hell is she talking about? That pretty much seems to be the theme around here these days. She talks incessantly about things which only half make sense, not because of her lack of vocabulary, but because she gets so ahead of herself in her mind that she stutters through most words in her sentences. It takes her FOREVER to get out a question sometimes and by the time she's done, I've forgotten exactly what we were talking about. Very confusing and I'm trying to get her to slow down some and concentrate on what she wants to say. She may need some speech therapy at some point but I'm hoping this is just a phase and her speaking skills will catch up to her racing mind. And then there's Jack.....who IS saying something and I CAN understand some of it. If I listen really close. He also talks incessantly. It's actually really funny to see them trying to talk over each other.

Cuteness abounds here at Casa de la Petit Dictators. Cuteness and madness...you know the crazy kind.

I Said No, and I Mean IT!

So, why is it that I cannot say no. I mean I do say it, but no one seems to hear it. That's actually like not saying it. If it goes unheard was it ever said? My children ignore it even if I scream it at the top of my lungs. I mean, I know they hear it but they ignore the fact that I'm saying it. Does that mean it wasn't said? Come on! Somebody listen to me around here! I'm a person too you know! Or am I?

Okay, case in point. Last night, I was tired. Beat down, having my period, cramping, got ran over by kids all day tired. Said to the Mr. "I'm exhausted. I've been cramping all day, feeling like shit. The kids were good but they are still kids so I'm freakin exhausted. I'm taking a bath and reading a book and going to sleep." He's all like, "okay baby, let me know if I can anything for you." He then proceeds to stay up for a while and when he comes to bed, it's with an enormous hard-on. Strips off his pants and hops in bed, scooting up really close to me trying to rub it on me! "Um.....did you hear the part about bleeding? And TIRED! Get that thing away from me!" "But your legs are so sexy and you're wearing those super hot polka dot panties. I can't help it." "Well I'm sorry I'm so smokin hot. You still are not getting any ass tonight. Move to your side of the bed and leave me the fuck alone." "But baby...." "No." "But baby..." "No." "But baby I..." "I said no motherfucker and if you but baby me one more fucking time you will be sleeping on the couch for a fucking week. You are seriously starting to fucking irritate me, NOW GET THE FUCK AWAY FROM ME!" Do you think he got the point? Noooo, of course not. He continued to pester me until he got bored and fell asleep trying to hump my leg.

See what I mean?

Picture Fix

Jack playing dress-up with Chloe. I'm sure he'll be thrilled by this when he's 15!
Looking at the canal at Auntie C's.
Lovin on the Timber. He had so much patience with them!
Auntie C and a sleeping Jack snuggle.

We had a blast on our mini vacation. It was great to be able to spend time with Auntie Chloe. We actually planned to do all kinds of fun things but unfortunately Lil Miss decided acting like a raving lunatic was just sooo much cooler than doing anything fun! While it would have been great to get out and see the sights, it was also wonderful to just hang out. Thank you Auntie Chloe and Uncle David for such a great time! We will be back as soon as we can....