HAPPY 4TH BIRTHDAY CHLOE!!
We made it another year!! Hooray for us baby girl! I can't believe 4 years ago today (almost to the exact time) you made your way into this world....what a revolutionary day for me. To be honest with you sweetheart, every day with you is revolutionary. It's been an unbelievable experience having you in my life. You have become such a dynamic little girl. An amazing transformation from the helpless infant I first held in my arms. Oh how I wish for those days again at times! To hold you, so small and so new again but I truly love watching you grow up. Seeing you come into your own, becoming so much more your own person everyday. I am amazed by your strength, in how you look at life head on and confront any and everything that comes your way. The way you size things up, making sense of them in your head and then tackling it. Your tenacity. Your headlong approach to life. I hope with everything in me that those qualities never go away. They are such assets to you and I'm thankful for them in you. (Even if they cause me so very many frustrating moments in my day!)
I look at you, my love, and I see so many possibilities for you. I see so much beauty, inside and out. I stand in awe of you, of the future that lays out ahead of you. Whatever you choose to do with your life, I know you will be something special. You are the future. A heavy thing, I know, but a truly great place to be. It will take you and others like you, in your generation to make this world a better place. I hope I'm doing my part as your mom to see that future unfold for you.
I love you, Chloe. I love you so much that I don't know what to do with all of this love at times. I feel like I may burst open, explode. You have changed my life so drastically, so beautifully. I'm just so thankful I get to be a part of yours.
Love,
Mommy
**I will be posting pictures and stories from our trip to Disney Land for her birthday tomorrow!**
Sunday, September 30, 2007
Friday, September 28, 2007
We Should Show A Little Mercy
There have been a lot of things going on in my extended family recently. Health things and family matters/problems that have really made me sit back and think about the choices we make as individuals. How those choices reflect on our lives for years to come and how those choices affect other people in our lives.
For instance, take my Grandmother. She has battled breast cancer resulting in a radical mastectomy at a very young age, she has been battling diabetes for nearly thirty years, along with high blood pressure, heart problems and a gamut of other health issues. She underwent a surgical procedure last night to prevent her from having another big stroke. She has over the last few months been suffering from a series of small strokes which is caused by her carotid artery being clogged. The diminished blood flow has also been causing her to have seizures and periods of blackouts. She has had seizures recently that caused her to blackout and fall, coming to laying on her kitchen floor or in the bathroom. She lives alone and these episodes are extremely dangerous and life-threatening. She has been in and out of hospitals for going on four years to deal with her expanding heath problems and her health just keeps getting worse. If it's not one thing, it's something else. Needless to say, this whole experience has caused a lot of stress to my family. My mom, my aunt and uncle, and her grandkids. We're all worried sick about her and are trying to find ways to keep her healthy and alive for as long as possible. The problem is, it's going to take work on her part and she proven in the past that she has no desire to make better health choices for herself to keep these things from happening to her. She has chosen not to get out and exercise. She has chosen to not eat healthier meals. She has chosen to abuse prescription painkillers. Moreover, she has chosen to refuse the help she so needs from friends and family. All of the choices she has made in the past years have greatly affected not only her but all of the people involved in her life. Now we, as her family, are left to pick up the pieces of a situation she has created with her decisions.
While at the hospital last night (which I will say is NO fun with two small kids!) my cousin disappeared with her estranged husband for big chunks of time. He is estranged from our family for very good reasons, which I cannot get into here. She has been contemplating getting back into a relationship with him even though she knows the consequences of that decision. The loss of her family is the biggest consequence I can imagine. My uncle, her dad, has been sick as well. Hodgkin Lymphoma which is curable if caught in time. This is the last thing my aunt needs from her daughter right now. With her mom and her husband very ill, my aunt needs her daughters to be strong and supportive. Not making decisions that have the potential to devastate her further.
With all of these things going on, I've really been thinking about choices we make. The choices I've made in the past that have affected my family in some seriously harsh ways. Things that I still deal with today. I have to say, it's really difficult for me look at them and have much pity. They continue to blame other people and other "things out of their control" for their problems. I say, take responsibility for the choices you've made. After all, you did at one time think it was the right thing to do. Own it and if it was a bad decision try to make it right. Knowing that you are responsible for your own destiny is an empowering and beautiful thing!
I've made my share of bad decisions. I KNOW that and I use the the experiences I have to make better my future better. I don't want to repeat the same bad choices over and over again. I do not like being stuck in a rut going round and round in circles. What's there to gain by that? If we open our eyes and our minds to what life has given us and what we have done with those gifts, we can make our lives better. We can learn from the past and make something beautiful for ourselves and our families.
For instance, take my Grandmother. She has battled breast cancer resulting in a radical mastectomy at a very young age, she has been battling diabetes for nearly thirty years, along with high blood pressure, heart problems and a gamut of other health issues. She underwent a surgical procedure last night to prevent her from having another big stroke. She has over the last few months been suffering from a series of small strokes which is caused by her carotid artery being clogged. The diminished blood flow has also been causing her to have seizures and periods of blackouts. She has had seizures recently that caused her to blackout and fall, coming to laying on her kitchen floor or in the bathroom. She lives alone and these episodes are extremely dangerous and life-threatening. She has been in and out of hospitals for going on four years to deal with her expanding heath problems and her health just keeps getting worse. If it's not one thing, it's something else. Needless to say, this whole experience has caused a lot of stress to my family. My mom, my aunt and uncle, and her grandkids. We're all worried sick about her and are trying to find ways to keep her healthy and alive for as long as possible. The problem is, it's going to take work on her part and she proven in the past that she has no desire to make better health choices for herself to keep these things from happening to her. She has chosen not to get out and exercise. She has chosen to not eat healthier meals. She has chosen to abuse prescription painkillers. Moreover, she has chosen to refuse the help she so needs from friends and family. All of the choices she has made in the past years have greatly affected not only her but all of the people involved in her life. Now we, as her family, are left to pick up the pieces of a situation she has created with her decisions.
While at the hospital last night (which I will say is NO fun with two small kids!) my cousin disappeared with her estranged husband for big chunks of time. He is estranged from our family for very good reasons, which I cannot get into here. She has been contemplating getting back into a relationship with him even though she knows the consequences of that decision. The loss of her family is the biggest consequence I can imagine. My uncle, her dad, has been sick as well. Hodgkin Lymphoma which is curable if caught in time. This is the last thing my aunt needs from her daughter right now. With her mom and her husband very ill, my aunt needs her daughters to be strong and supportive. Not making decisions that have the potential to devastate her further.
With all of these things going on, I've really been thinking about choices we make. The choices I've made in the past that have affected my family in some seriously harsh ways. Things that I still deal with today. I have to say, it's really difficult for me look at them and have much pity. They continue to blame other people and other "things out of their control" for their problems. I say, take responsibility for the choices you've made. After all, you did at one time think it was the right thing to do. Own it and if it was a bad decision try to make it right. Knowing that you are responsible for your own destiny is an empowering and beautiful thing!
I've made my share of bad decisions. I KNOW that and I use the the experiences I have to make better my future better. I don't want to repeat the same bad choices over and over again. I do not like being stuck in a rut going round and round in circles. What's there to gain by that? If we open our eyes and our minds to what life has given us and what we have done with those gifts, we can make our lives better. We can learn from the past and make something beautiful for ourselves and our families.
Wednesday, September 26, 2007
I can't remember...
ever being so tired in my life. Well, that's not exactly true. After Jack was born and didn't sleep...ever ever, I was more tired than ever in my life but this rivals it. I've been eating healthy and taking good vitamins, I just haven't been sleeping well at all and the kids are so damn energetic. They never stop!
Jack had a doctors appointment today which went really well. He's healthy as a horse and smart as hell. She was amazed by his energy. His communication skills. Mostly his energy. Lil Miss was in rare form today, sitting quietly reading books while he was getting checked out. The only time she got upset was when the doctor was checking out his penis and balls. He did not like that at all, the squeezing of his testicles and neither did Chloe. She told the doctor to leave her brothers pee pee alone, those are HIS private parts ya know....Glad to see my genital education is paying off! Ha ha!!
I've just had to cease giving them baths together which really cramps my schedule but hey, I knew it would happen eventually. She's very good about not grabbing and poking him anymore. It's him. He has recently learned the word for that body part and is very demonstrative and vocal about it. He also has realized his sisters is different than his and likes to poke at hers so...no more together bath time.
I've been feeling stir crazy lately. I've realized how much I need to find some mommy friends with similar interests and ideas as me. I've had some bad experiences at play groups and even at parks trying to meet new mommy friends and play friends for the kids. I'm just not into spending time with competi-mommies and women who, well you know. Those kinds of women. It's not a need just for me but for my kids as well. I've checked out different websites for groups around town, gone to the park to "pick" them up...what else can I do? Any suggestions?
Jack had a doctors appointment today which went really well. He's healthy as a horse and smart as hell. She was amazed by his energy. His communication skills. Mostly his energy. Lil Miss was in rare form today, sitting quietly reading books while he was getting checked out. The only time she got upset was when the doctor was checking out his penis and balls. He did not like that at all, the squeezing of his testicles and neither did Chloe. She told the doctor to leave her brothers pee pee alone, those are HIS private parts ya know....Glad to see my genital education is paying off! Ha ha!!
I've just had to cease giving them baths together which really cramps my schedule but hey, I knew it would happen eventually. She's very good about not grabbing and poking him anymore. It's him. He has recently learned the word for that body part and is very demonstrative and vocal about it. He also has realized his sisters is different than his and likes to poke at hers so...no more together bath time.
I've been feeling stir crazy lately. I've realized how much I need to find some mommy friends with similar interests and ideas as me. I've had some bad experiences at play groups and even at parks trying to meet new mommy friends and play friends for the kids. I'm just not into spending time with competi-mommies and women who, well you know. Those kinds of women. It's not a need just for me but for my kids as well. I've checked out different websites for groups around town, gone to the park to "pick" them up...what else can I do? Any suggestions?
Thursday, September 13, 2007
Wednesday, September 12, 2007
All I have to say is....
thank goodness for daddy's that come home from work with the makings of dirty martinis and take the kids straight away to the bathtub. Amen.
Having One of THOSE Weeks
I know, I know. It's only Wednesday and I'm already having a bad week.....bad news. It's one of those weeks where the days are running together with the constant cleaning, cooking, ass-wiping, laundry,book reading, hostage negotiator. You get the point. I could say I'm bored but can I really be bored with all of the above mentioned to tend to daily? The answer is...yes. Yes I can. Especially since I've been trying to get Hurricane Chloe to clean her room all week.
Let me tell you. I'm so close to giving up on trying to get her to keep it clean. I have tried EVERYTHING. I have bagged up toys and stored them in the garage, she and I have bagged up toys to take to Salvation Army to donate (she hated that), she has sat in her room for a full day only coming out to eat just so she would clean her room! Nothing has worked. My latest attempt involves not going anywhere or doing anything even remotely fun until her room is clean. It has not worked. We have sat here all week staring at each other while I tell Jack very loudly that we wouldn't have to be bored if Chloe would just clean. her. room.
She is old enough to do it. In fact she does a great job when she finally decides to. It apparently just takes an act of God because nothing I do or say has any effect whatsoever. That pretty much sums up my thoughts on that.
I am very curious how so many stay-at-home mom's keep from going bat shit crazy. Is it a day packed full of adventure so the kids are always entertained? I would love to do that but right now it's so insanely hot the only outside activity that's even somewhat bearable is swimming and in 95-100 degree temps even that is miserable. Pool water is like bath water in Florida.
I've become a little disgruntled with the monotony of my days recently. It is probably largely the fault of my self-imposed exile. But seriously...how do we do it day in and day out? Day in and day out without losing our sanity? I'm having a difficult time with it. Don't get me wrong. I love being able to stay home with my kids. Do I love every second, every minute of it? Hell no! But I do love it on a whole. They're amazing kids and wildly entertaining with their antics...they certainly keep me laughing!
I don't know..this was mostly just a rant to unleash some pissiness.
Let me tell you. I'm so close to giving up on trying to get her to keep it clean. I have tried EVERYTHING. I have bagged up toys and stored them in the garage, she and I have bagged up toys to take to Salvation Army to donate (she hated that), she has sat in her room for a full day only coming out to eat just so she would clean her room! Nothing has worked. My latest attempt involves not going anywhere or doing anything even remotely fun until her room is clean. It has not worked. We have sat here all week staring at each other while I tell Jack very loudly that we wouldn't have to be bored if Chloe would just clean. her. room.
She is old enough to do it. In fact she does a great job when she finally decides to. It apparently just takes an act of God because nothing I do or say has any effect whatsoever. That pretty much sums up my thoughts on that.
I am very curious how so many stay-at-home mom's keep from going bat shit crazy. Is it a day packed full of adventure so the kids are always entertained? I would love to do that but right now it's so insanely hot the only outside activity that's even somewhat bearable is swimming and in 95-100 degree temps even that is miserable. Pool water is like bath water in Florida.
I've become a little disgruntled with the monotony of my days recently. It is probably largely the fault of my self-imposed exile. But seriously...how do we do it day in and day out? Day in and day out without losing our sanity? I'm having a difficult time with it. Don't get me wrong. I love being able to stay home with my kids. Do I love every second, every minute of it? Hell no! But I do love it on a whole. They're amazing kids and wildly entertaining with their antics...they certainly keep me laughing!
I don't know..this was mostly just a rant to unleash some pissiness.
Sunday, September 09, 2007
The Start of Something New
Since I have such a love for food and cooking, I have decided to start a recipe blog. Recipe Share.
I love cooking so much and get in the kitchen with a pile of ingredients, not knowing what I'm going to make and oila! Something good is created! I thought it would be cool to start a site where we can all go to answer that annoying question...what am I going to cook for dinner tonight? Here we can share recipes we love and new ones we find! Sounds cool, huh?
Okay...start sharing!
I love cooking so much and get in the kitchen with a pile of ingredients, not knowing what I'm going to make and oila! Something good is created! I thought it would be cool to start a site where we can all go to answer that annoying question...what am I going to cook for dinner tonight? Here we can share recipes we love and new ones we find! Sounds cool, huh?
Okay...start sharing!
Saturday, September 08, 2007
Recent Pictures
Chloe giving her baby "booby" milk! Too cute!
My wild woman! Check out that frizz....
The most adorable face...evah evah!
Being a big boy....he always has to do it himselffirst!
So sweet...well looks can be deceiving.
Friday, September 07, 2007
Is the government TRYINg to ruin the future for our children?
What with all of the Mattel toy recalls lately due to lead based paint and such and now this, which is something all mothers who are bottle feeding their babes should read now. It's truly frightening to me that the government who is supposed to be setting the standards for toys and well everything we consume, is allowing this to happen. I'm incredulous and more than a little worried. This is our children we're talking about here, not ourselves or our pets (as much as they are a part of our family, we did not give birth to them). Our kids. So what, do we boycott Mattel and the makers of those bottles? How are we to fight this and let manufacturers know that we won't stand for our children being poisoned....for their development to be challenged by the products they use to make toys that our toddlers stick in their mouths every chance they get and by the baby bottles we use to give our babies sustenance. What the fuck is going on?
Tuesday, September 04, 2007
MY Issues with Co-Parenting
This is the first day my daughter has been back from spending the long weekend with her dad, his girlfriend and her 9 yr old daughter. Usually, after a weekend with them she is returned to me exhausted and cranky from being dragged around, taken off of her schedule and long late night road trips to and from West Palm Beach. A 4-5 hour drive depending on traffic and speed. These are all issues that I am not only well aware of, I am 100% accepting of them. It's hard but normal and I can deal with it. What I'm having issue with is NOT normal, at least in the scope of my limited experience.
Scott and I try very hard to be consistent with our discipline and expectations...at least we are every time we talk about it. I am always up front and honest about how I feel things should be done and I am open to trying new things. I'm open to his thoughts and ideas. Hell, I believe we all could use some "outside" help at times. Different perspectives can be so very helpful when dealing with children. I get that even though we have open communication, there will always be some differences in how we interact with her. I feel certain things are unacceptable and he doesn't. It goes both ways. I'm not the only parent out there dealing with this and I guess I need some help.
My biggest problem so far has been returning attitude. His girlfriend has a 9 yr old daughter with more than her fair share of sass. I think overall she's a great kid. Smart and funny. I think there's a great deal Chloe could learn from her. And she is learning from her. The good and the bad. She always come back to me with a 9 yr olds attitude. A smart mouth (smarter than usual) and body language I'm not prepared to deal with yet. She treats me like I'm beneath her, talks down to me and has an endless supply of smart ass retorts for everything I say. I ask her to do something and she grunts at me. When I reprimand her for it and send her on her way, she mutters under her breath. She's being completely disrespectful to her brother. Using her older age and larger size to intimidate him. I understand siblings will fight and she will use those things regardless but this is in a way.....it's purely mean. I cannot understand that nor will I accept it as par for the course. Treating people like shit is NEVER okay in my house. NEVER. I teach equality and understanding. Compassion and love. Not ever an "I'm better than you" attitude. It makes me angry that I have to deal with this kind of reprogramming every time she comes back. It takes me weeks to get her back. It flabbergasts me that it only takes a few short days to undo everything I've worked so hard for 4 yrs to instill in her. She's seriously like 2 different kids. If I didn't witness it first hand, I probably wouldn't believe it.
So, here I am. The first day having her back and I am stresses beyond belief. I missed her so much and all I want to do is snuggle her and love her but she's making it so hard.
Is this normal? Do you think it's them? Me? Just the natural unbablancing of having two families? Two lives? I need some perspective here. I also need to talk to Scott about this but before then I need to know what should be expected in this situation. If I am making a mountain out of a mole hill. It certainly doesn't feel like a mole hill to me.....
Scott and I try very hard to be consistent with our discipline and expectations...at least we are every time we talk about it. I am always up front and honest about how I feel things should be done and I am open to trying new things. I'm open to his thoughts and ideas. Hell, I believe we all could use some "outside" help at times. Different perspectives can be so very helpful when dealing with children. I get that even though we have open communication, there will always be some differences in how we interact with her. I feel certain things are unacceptable and he doesn't. It goes both ways. I'm not the only parent out there dealing with this and I guess I need some help.
My biggest problem so far has been returning attitude. His girlfriend has a 9 yr old daughter with more than her fair share of sass. I think overall she's a great kid. Smart and funny. I think there's a great deal Chloe could learn from her. And she is learning from her. The good and the bad. She always come back to me with a 9 yr olds attitude. A smart mouth (smarter than usual) and body language I'm not prepared to deal with yet. She treats me like I'm beneath her, talks down to me and has an endless supply of smart ass retorts for everything I say. I ask her to do something and she grunts at me. When I reprimand her for it and send her on her way, she mutters under her breath. She's being completely disrespectful to her brother. Using her older age and larger size to intimidate him. I understand siblings will fight and she will use those things regardless but this is in a way.....it's purely mean. I cannot understand that nor will I accept it as par for the course. Treating people like shit is NEVER okay in my house. NEVER. I teach equality and understanding. Compassion and love. Not ever an "I'm better than you" attitude. It makes me angry that I have to deal with this kind of reprogramming every time she comes back. It takes me weeks to get her back. It flabbergasts me that it only takes a few short days to undo everything I've worked so hard for 4 yrs to instill in her. She's seriously like 2 different kids. If I didn't witness it first hand, I probably wouldn't believe it.
So, here I am. The first day having her back and I am stresses beyond belief. I missed her so much and all I want to do is snuggle her and love her but she's making it so hard.
Is this normal? Do you think it's them? Me? Just the natural unbablancing of having two families? Two lives? I need some perspective here. I also need to talk to Scott about this but before then I need to know what should be expected in this situation. If I am making a mountain out of a mole hill. It certainly doesn't feel like a mole hill to me.....
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