Friday, October 26, 2007
Some New Decor Would Be a Good Thing
In my self-imposed writing hiatus I think I'd like to revamp Woman on the Verge. Some freshness around here may be in order. Stay tuned.
Thursday, October 25, 2007
Not Enough Cheese and Too Many Crackers
I have been extremely MIA lately here on my blog. I haven't even been reading other peoples blogs very much which is odd for me. Usually even when I have no energy to write, I still find the time to read. Not so much lately.
I have been dealing with a lot around here and it takes everything I have just to get through each day. I've been clinically depressed for over a decade and I take medication for it sporadically. I don't like to be medicated all of the time and when I'm feeling good I go off the meds. I can usually be off of them for 1-2 years at a time before I feel a landslide coming down right on top of my head. I then pick up where I left off. Taking daily anti-depressants. It has worked for me for the last almost 5 years and I'm happy with the results. Unfortunately this landslide has come racing at me and has very effectively smothered my ass. We have no insurance until next month and the cost of seeing the doctor and getting a prescription is just too much money to come off of right now. So, I am suffocating. Actually I have a little straw pushed through the mud and grime and am able to at least take small shallow breaths.
Adding to this, I've been having some issues with Chloe's dad. I've gone into some detail in earlier posts. I don't feel like getting into it right now but it doesn't seem like it's going to be getting any better anytime soon. In fact, he has threatened to make things messy for me in court if I don't agree to do the things he has asked me to.
Also, my grandma was diagnosed as terminally ill last Friday. She only has a couple weeks to maybe a month to live. Hospice has been called in and we are all spending as much time with her as possible waiting for the day to come that she has no more breaths to take. It has been quite an experience watching my family pull together so tightly to support one another. Watching my mom cope with the fact that she is losing her mom in so short a time has been extremely difficult for me. I've been trying to be as supportive as I possible, giving her all of the love and attention she needs right now. It's going to be so rough for her. I can't imagine my life without my mother in it. I know it will happen some day but thinking about what that will be like is too much. I can't imagine what she's actually going through.
We are all rallying round each other and really just being there for one another.
I may not be around much in the next couple of weeks. I really need to get my head on straight and deal with these family things.
Keep us in your thoughts and prayers.
I have been dealing with a lot around here and it takes everything I have just to get through each day. I've been clinically depressed for over a decade and I take medication for it sporadically. I don't like to be medicated all of the time and when I'm feeling good I go off the meds. I can usually be off of them for 1-2 years at a time before I feel a landslide coming down right on top of my head. I then pick up where I left off. Taking daily anti-depressants. It has worked for me for the last almost 5 years and I'm happy with the results. Unfortunately this landslide has come racing at me and has very effectively smothered my ass. We have no insurance until next month and the cost of seeing the doctor and getting a prescription is just too much money to come off of right now. So, I am suffocating. Actually I have a little straw pushed through the mud and grime and am able to at least take small shallow breaths.
Adding to this, I've been having some issues with Chloe's dad. I've gone into some detail in earlier posts. I don't feel like getting into it right now but it doesn't seem like it's going to be getting any better anytime soon. In fact, he has threatened to make things messy for me in court if I don't agree to do the things he has asked me to.
Also, my grandma was diagnosed as terminally ill last Friday. She only has a couple weeks to maybe a month to live. Hospice has been called in and we are all spending as much time with her as possible waiting for the day to come that she has no more breaths to take. It has been quite an experience watching my family pull together so tightly to support one another. Watching my mom cope with the fact that she is losing her mom in so short a time has been extremely difficult for me. I've been trying to be as supportive as I possible, giving her all of the love and attention she needs right now. It's going to be so rough for her. I can't imagine my life without my mother in it. I know it will happen some day but thinking about what that will be like is too much. I can't imagine what she's actually going through.
We are all rallying round each other and really just being there for one another.
I may not be around much in the next couple of weeks. I really need to get my head on straight and deal with these family things.
Keep us in your thoughts and prayers.
Wednesday, October 17, 2007
Stuck Between a Rock and a Hard Place
There are times when I feel Chloe is lucky to have to have two dads. She gets twice the fun dad stuff, twice the good dad discipline, twice the daddy love. Since Scott has started playing a bigger part of her life, that is. Our family has a very interesting dynamic that can be lots of fun. Her dad's girlfriend has a little girl and we all make quite an effort be parental to all of the kids when we hang out. Not just our own. I treat her child like my own. When Chloe is with them and I call her, I also talk to Sasha. When she is at my house, I treat her like one of my kids. The same goes for them with Jack. It's very interesting to watch us all interact with one another in these situations. It's great that we can all be friends and have such a good working (actually it goes beyond working) relationship with each other. It's the best thing for all our children. I would hate for Sasha or Jack to feel left out or second best. It has taken many years to get here and there have been many times that I thought it would all crumble away but we have managed to keep it together.
There is also bad sides to this story. Co-parenting isn't an easy thing to do. I've written posts about this in the past and I am reminded constantly how much stress and heartache can be caused in this.
The main reason I am staying at home with the kids is that we were paying $300/week for childcare. Eww. It made no sense to continue paying what is essentially the salary of one person in most families. Chloe's dad has been pushing to get her into preschool for a while now. I told him he should be responsible for finding one since it was so important to him. He thinks she is behind in education. She just turned four and I'm sorry but she has two more years before she enters kindergarten. She isn't behind. He doesn't agree with the "a kid needs to be a kid" philosophy. He thinks she needs to be grinding the education wheel by now and that she needs to not only be able to write her full name but to be able to read very well. She's only just turned four! I don't want her to be behind either but I seriously don't think she's going to be. He's been a huge ass pain about this so I put the ball in his court.
He found a great school nearby but the tuition is $600/month. The school offers scholarships and they can take off a considerable amount but he expects Baye and I to foot the remaining tuition costs. It's not something we can really afford and I don't feel I'm wrong when I say Scott should pay for some of the tuition as well. He feels otherwise. He told me today that since he pays me an "enormous" (haha!) amount of money each month, I should have no problems footing the bill. He told me she couldn't possibly cost that much each month. He actually has no clue whatsoever what it takes monthly to raise a child, especially when he wants that child in extracurricular activities that cost money and a private school. Baye is being pig headed about the situation, as is Scott. No one is willing to give and I am stuck between each one as the middle man. Both getting mad at me for relaying information that I haven't even been able to have an opinion on! Neither one is willing to listen to me on this, with both thinking they are right and I am bad, bad, bad! Fuckers!!
So, needless to say, I will be sitting down and working a tight budget and also having some serious talks with both of them. Ech.
There is also bad sides to this story. Co-parenting isn't an easy thing to do. I've written posts about this in the past and I am reminded constantly how much stress and heartache can be caused in this.
The main reason I am staying at home with the kids is that we were paying $300/week for childcare. Eww. It made no sense to continue paying what is essentially the salary of one person in most families. Chloe's dad has been pushing to get her into preschool for a while now. I told him he should be responsible for finding one since it was so important to him. He thinks she is behind in education. She just turned four and I'm sorry but she has two more years before she enters kindergarten. She isn't behind. He doesn't agree with the "a kid needs to be a kid" philosophy. He thinks she needs to be grinding the education wheel by now and that she needs to not only be able to write her full name but to be able to read very well. She's only just turned four! I don't want her to be behind either but I seriously don't think she's going to be. He's been a huge ass pain about this so I put the ball in his court.
He found a great school nearby but the tuition is $600/month. The school offers scholarships and they can take off a considerable amount but he expects Baye and I to foot the remaining tuition costs. It's not something we can really afford and I don't feel I'm wrong when I say Scott should pay for some of the tuition as well. He feels otherwise. He told me today that since he pays me an "enormous" (haha!) amount of money each month, I should have no problems footing the bill. He told me she couldn't possibly cost that much each month. He actually has no clue whatsoever what it takes monthly to raise a child, especially when he wants that child in extracurricular activities that cost money and a private school. Baye is being pig headed about the situation, as is Scott. No one is willing to give and I am stuck between each one as the middle man. Both getting mad at me for relaying information that I haven't even been able to have an opinion on! Neither one is willing to listen to me on this, with both thinking they are right and I am bad, bad, bad! Fuckers!!
So, needless to say, I will be sitting down and working a tight budget and also having some serious talks with both of them. Ech.
Thursday, October 11, 2007
Let's Start Sharing!
Alright everyone, let's get it together and start sharing some recipes here on my recipe blog! So far I have one contribution from Becca over at the Smoochy house and one from myself. I have a ton of recipes (mostly in my head and measurements don't mean all that much to me) but I'm also looking for some great food ideas from all of you other moms out there. I know your kids eat too! Let's start sharing!
Ahem...sister-in-law aka Crazy Gourmet Lady, that also means you.
Also, if you like gourmet cheese, you can go to the Ile De France web page to enter a sweepstakes to win a gourmet cheese basket. The link takes you right to the sweepstakes page. Go cheese!
Anyways, give me some recipes guys.
Ahem...sister-in-law aka Crazy Gourmet Lady, that also means you.
Also, if you like gourmet cheese, you can go to the Ile De France web page to enter a sweepstakes to win a gourmet cheese basket. The link takes you right to the sweepstakes page. Go cheese!
Anyways, give me some recipes guys.
Tuesday, October 09, 2007
Oh Baby....
I have been quietly obsessing over here about having another baby. Any time the topic of pregnancy comes up and I get that wistful longing look on my face, I get the "two's more than enough, Summer! Could you really handle a third?" The answer to that is, yes. I could and I want to. I want. I want to. I want to! As much as I may have complained while pregnant about being uncomfortable, I loved it. Loved being pregnant. I love giving birth and more importantly, I absolutely LOVE being a mom.
I have been having very vivid dreams about being pregnant again. I've mentioned to the Hubz these feelings and he first responded with "I can see how that could be." then a laugh and an "um...okay..." Which translates to me to be "you are fucking crazy! No way!"
When I was pregnant with J, we had a lot of problems and he made the decision to have a vasectomy. He said he didn't want any more kids and our relationship was so unstable, he didn't want to risk another pregnancy under the same conditions. I was against it and tried my best to dissuade him against taking such action. He made the appointment for right after J was born so he could take time off to be home with me and the new baby. I tried throughout the months to talk him out of it. I knew that I would want another child eventually and understanding him the way I do, I knew he probably would too. I'm ready now and I'm so sad that it will probably never happen....
The strangest thing about my wanting another child is that I never wanted one at all. I decided a long time ago that I was way too selfish and self centered to ever be a good mother. I liked my wild lifestyle and wasn't even remotely interested in changing it. That was until I accidentally got pregnant. **I say accidentally but she is NOT an accident!** It was unexpected and at first unwelcome but while I am pro-choice for every woman out there, I am pro-life for myself. Having an abortion is not a choice I would be able to make for myself so I was pregnant and having a baby. It hit me so suddenly one day. The extreme joy of being pregnant. I was overwhelmed and in love with the baby growing inside me. That love has never faltered and it changed my views on motherhood so dramatically. I was ready and would do everything I could to be a good mom. Her birth and being her mommy made me realize just how much I could be.
We talked about having another baby for a few months and decided we should try when she was a little over a year. I knew I wanted them to be close in age and by the time she was 18 months old, we were pregnant with J.
I so want another baby!! I just don't think it's going to happen. Blech...Maybe it will. We'll see.
I have been having very vivid dreams about being pregnant again. I've mentioned to the Hubz these feelings and he first responded with "I can see how that could be." then a laugh and an "um...okay..." Which translates to me to be "you are fucking crazy! No way!"
When I was pregnant with J, we had a lot of problems and he made the decision to have a vasectomy. He said he didn't want any more kids and our relationship was so unstable, he didn't want to risk another pregnancy under the same conditions. I was against it and tried my best to dissuade him against taking such action. He made the appointment for right after J was born so he could take time off to be home with me and the new baby. I tried throughout the months to talk him out of it. I knew that I would want another child eventually and understanding him the way I do, I knew he probably would too. I'm ready now and I'm so sad that it will probably never happen....
The strangest thing about my wanting another child is that I never wanted one at all. I decided a long time ago that I was way too selfish and self centered to ever be a good mother. I liked my wild lifestyle and wasn't even remotely interested in changing it. That was until I accidentally got pregnant. **I say accidentally but she is NOT an accident!** It was unexpected and at first unwelcome but while I am pro-choice for every woman out there, I am pro-life for myself. Having an abortion is not a choice I would be able to make for myself so I was pregnant and having a baby. It hit me so suddenly one day. The extreme joy of being pregnant. I was overwhelmed and in love with the baby growing inside me. That love has never faltered and it changed my views on motherhood so dramatically. I was ready and would do everything I could to be a good mom. Her birth and being her mommy made me realize just how much I could be.
We talked about having another baby for a few months and decided we should try when she was a little over a year. I knew I wanted them to be close in age and by the time she was 18 months old, we were pregnant with J.
I so want another baby!! I just don't think it's going to happen. Blech...Maybe it will. We'll see.
Saturday, October 06, 2007
Sorry....
I haven't gotten around to posting birthday pictures yet. I know, I suck. What can you do? They will be up soon.
Wednesday, October 03, 2007
A Post to Vent Before the Disney Post
I started the week with the expectation of Lil Miss Priss coming home from her extended stay in Orlando with her dad with an extreme attitude brought on by exhaustion. She got home late Monday night and after an easy bed time, I readied myself for the following days antics. They never came. At least they never came yesterday. Today now is a different story.
She crawled into bed with us at around 1am. A pretty normal thing. She likes to sleep with us and after we have gotten to sleep I have no problem with her coming to snuggle up for the remainder of the night. The only real issue with it, is that she doesn't sleep well sandwiched between me, Hubs and kitty. Charvin being the main culprit of restless nights due to his incessant need for head cuddling at 1am, 2am, 3am, 4am, and so on. This is no regular head cuddle either. It is an in your face with LOUD purrs, a biscuit making contest in your hair, with a final wrap around your head to position himself just so that his mouth is in your ears to purr and drool. Lots and lots of fucking drool. It's similar, I assume, to be licked in your ear by a St. Bernard. All night long.
Anyways. Not getting a good nights sleep royally fucks up her Highness's day. *She would like to not require a lot of sleep. Hell, she would like to not require it at all but unfortunately for her, she does. So the list goes: Three days at Disney, home late the last night, extreme excitement over a new bike last night, rough sleep last night and an early (730am) wake up. (not early for her...she's usually up at the ass crack of freakin dawn. See * above to explain.) I think she feels she might miss something exciting at 11pm or 7am. Nothing to see here folks! Just a couple of "old marrieds" snoring away. Sorry, I digress. Again.
The result of all these things is her acting like a complete maniac. Thinking she can tell me "no" in a not nice at all tone of voice. Feeling compelled to argue everything like she's a lawyer in a high profile murder trial. And above all, the whining that accompanies these moods. I can do the "no" thing. I can argue like anyone's business. But the whining? I can't deal. It pushes this button in my head that causes a relentless screaming siren. She whined pretty much all day long and when she starts, Jack starts. She cries, he cries. One temper, two temper, three temper, four. Which one of my kids will be the first to hit the floor.
So, here I sit with a bottle of red wine-Miss Priss exits the building, asks for a snack. Me: "Did you eat all your dinner? (A long standing rule. To get a snack, must eat all of your dinner)
C: " No. Yes. I just wanna s n a c k....." Me " If you didn't eat your dinner, you don't get a snack." C: "But I want one. I was tired at dinner. Now I'm hungry." Me: "I'm sorry. You should have eaten your dinner." C: "Well I'm getting a snack right now" The hell you are. This literally JUST happened. There's more to the dialogue but I'm just too mentally exhausted to go on. So I won't.
Disney pics tomorrow. I promise.
She crawled into bed with us at around 1am. A pretty normal thing. She likes to sleep with us and after we have gotten to sleep I have no problem with her coming to snuggle up for the remainder of the night. The only real issue with it, is that she doesn't sleep well sandwiched between me, Hubs and kitty. Charvin being the main culprit of restless nights due to his incessant need for head cuddling at 1am, 2am, 3am, 4am, and so on. This is no regular head cuddle either. It is an in your face with LOUD purrs, a biscuit making contest in your hair, with a final wrap around your head to position himself just so that his mouth is in your ears to purr and drool. Lots and lots of fucking drool. It's similar, I assume, to be licked in your ear by a St. Bernard. All night long.
Anyways. Not getting a good nights sleep royally fucks up her Highness's day. *She would like to not require a lot of sleep. Hell, she would like to not require it at all but unfortunately for her, she does. So the list goes: Three days at Disney, home late the last night, extreme excitement over a new bike last night, rough sleep last night and an early (730am) wake up. (not early for her...she's usually up at the ass crack of freakin dawn. See * above to explain.) I think she feels she might miss something exciting at 11pm or 7am. Nothing to see here folks! Just a couple of "old marrieds" snoring away. Sorry, I digress. Again.
The result of all these things is her acting like a complete maniac. Thinking she can tell me "no" in a not nice at all tone of voice. Feeling compelled to argue everything like she's a lawyer in a high profile murder trial. And above all, the whining that accompanies these moods. I can do the "no" thing. I can argue like anyone's business. But the whining? I can't deal. It pushes this button in my head that causes a relentless screaming siren. She whined pretty much all day long and when she starts, Jack starts. She cries, he cries. One temper, two temper, three temper, four. Which one of my kids will be the first to hit the floor.
So, here I sit with a bottle of red wine-Miss Priss exits the building, asks for a snack. Me: "Did you eat all your dinner? (A long standing rule. To get a snack, must eat all of your dinner)
C: " No. Yes. I just wanna s n a c k....." Me " If you didn't eat your dinner, you don't get a snack." C: "But I want one. I was tired at dinner. Now I'm hungry." Me: "I'm sorry. You should have eaten your dinner." C: "Well I'm getting a snack right now" The hell you are. This literally JUST happened. There's more to the dialogue but I'm just too mentally exhausted to go on. So I won't.
Disney pics tomorrow. I promise.
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