I have been quietly obsessing over here about having another baby. Any time the topic of pregnancy comes up and I get that wistful longing look on my face, I get the "two's more than enough, Summer! Could you really handle a third?" The answer to that is, yes. I could and I want to. I want. I want to. I want to! As much as I may have complained while pregnant about being uncomfortable, I loved it. Loved being pregnant. I love giving birth and more importantly, I absolutely LOVE being a mom.
I have been having very vivid dreams about being pregnant again. I've mentioned to the Hubz these feelings and he first responded with "I can see how that could be." then a laugh and an "um...okay..." Which translates to me to be "you are fucking crazy! No way!"
When I was pregnant with J, we had a lot of problems and he made the decision to have a vasectomy. He said he didn't want any more kids and our relationship was so unstable, he didn't want to risk another pregnancy under the same conditions. I was against it and tried my best to dissuade him against taking such action. He made the appointment for right after J was born so he could take time off to be home with me and the new baby. I tried throughout the months to talk him out of it. I knew that I would want another child eventually and understanding him the way I do, I knew he probably would too. I'm ready now and I'm so sad that it will probably never happen....
The strangest thing about my wanting another child is that I never wanted one at all. I decided a long time ago that I was way too selfish and self centered to ever be a good mother. I liked my wild lifestyle and wasn't even remotely interested in changing it. That was until I accidentally got pregnant. **I say accidentally but she is NOT an accident!** It was unexpected and at first unwelcome but while I am pro-choice for every woman out there, I am pro-life for myself. Having an abortion is not a choice I would be able to make for myself so I was pregnant and having a baby. It hit me so suddenly one day. The extreme joy of being pregnant. I was overwhelmed and in love with the baby growing inside me. That love has never faltered and it changed my views on motherhood so dramatically. I was ready and would do everything I could to be a good mom. Her birth and being her mommy made me realize just how much I could be.
We talked about having another baby for a few months and decided we should try when she was a little over a year. I knew I wanted them to be close in age and by the time she was 18 months old, we were pregnant with J.
I so want another baby!! I just don't think it's going to happen. Blech...Maybe it will. We'll see.