Tuesday, October 09, 2007

Oh Baby....

I have been quietly obsessing over here about having another baby. Any time the topic of pregnancy comes up and I get that wistful longing look on my face, I get the "two's more than enough, Summer! Could you really handle a third?" The answer to that is, yes. I could and I want to. I want. I want to. I want to! As much as I may have complained while pregnant about being uncomfortable, I loved it. Loved being pregnant. I love giving birth and more importantly, I absolutely LOVE being a mom.

I have been having very vivid dreams about being pregnant again. I've mentioned to the Hubz these feelings and he first responded with "I can see how that could be." then a laugh and an "um...okay..." Which translates to me to be "you are fucking crazy! No way!"

When I was pregnant with J, we had a lot of problems and he made the decision to have a vasectomy. He said he didn't want any more kids and our relationship was so unstable, he didn't want to risk another pregnancy under the same conditions. I was against it and tried my best to dissuade him against taking such action. He made the appointment for right after J was born so he could take time off to be home with me and the new baby. I tried throughout the months to talk him out of it. I knew that I would want another child eventually and understanding him the way I do, I knew he probably would too. I'm ready now and I'm so sad that it will probably never happen....

The strangest thing about my wanting another child is that I never wanted one at all. I decided a long time ago that I was way too selfish and self centered to ever be a good mother. I liked my wild lifestyle and wasn't even remotely interested in changing it. That was until I accidentally got pregnant. **I say accidentally but she is NOT an accident!** It was unexpected and at first unwelcome but while I am pro-choice for every woman out there, I am pro-life for myself. Having an abortion is not a choice I would be able to make for myself so I was pregnant and having a baby. It hit me so suddenly one day. The extreme joy of being pregnant. I was overwhelmed and in love with the baby growing inside me. That love has never faltered and it changed my views on motherhood so dramatically. I was ready and would do everything I could to be a good mom. Her birth and being her mommy made me realize just how much I could be.

We talked about having another baby for a few months and decided we should try when she was a little over a year. I knew I wanted them to be close in age and by the time she was 18 months old, we were pregnant with J.

I so want another baby!! I just don't think it's going to happen. Blech...Maybe it will. We'll see.

5 comments:

Faith said...

Uh-oh...you know what this means?! It is time for baby number three!!! Yipeee. Yeah, we women have amnesia when it comes to labor and diapers and well, the list goes on.

But, that's because babies are love!

Woman on the Verge said...

I feel like a loony for even thinking about it in the first place! Guess it's normal though...

Moogie said...

After I had my second one, I had seriously contemplated having another. Over time, I realized that two was more than enough for me. I have two step kids as well. I've never regretted the decision until I see a little baby or a pregnant mom..and it pulls on my heartstrings a bit. I hope that it all turns out the way you want it to!!

Thanks so much for stopping by my place and commenting. I really appreciate it!

Rebecca said...

Holy Crap, Sum. He had a vasectomy?!?!?! Did I know that? I can't hardly believe it! They are reversible sometimes, right? If not, there are tons of babies already in the world that badly need mommies. Would you ever consider adoption?

Crazy.

Woman on the Verge said...

I have been considering the option of adopting since before Jack was born. And yes they are always reversible but the rate of fertility goes down drastically. Almost by 50%. It's not really an option for him. He would undo only to redo shortly after. I've been thinking of harvesting the sperm and implanting them but something like that costs so much money. I'm really stuck at a point right now where I don't know what to do or where to go....it kinda sucks. That's why I was so against him getting it done in the first place.

I would absolutely love to be able to be pregnant again but it seems to be very unlikely. We shall see...