Thursday, October 25, 2007

Not Enough Cheese and Too Many Crackers

I have been extremely MIA lately here on my blog. I haven't even been reading other peoples blogs very much which is odd for me. Usually even when I have no energy to write, I still find the time to read. Not so much lately.

I have been dealing with a lot around here and it takes everything I have just to get through each day. I've been clinically depressed for over a decade and I take medication for it sporadically. I don't like to be medicated all of the time and when I'm feeling good I go off the meds. I can usually be off of them for 1-2 years at a time before I feel a landslide coming down right on top of my head. I then pick up where I left off. Taking daily anti-depressants. It has worked for me for the last almost 5 years and I'm happy with the results. Unfortunately this landslide has come racing at me and has very effectively smothered my ass. We have no insurance until next month and the cost of seeing the doctor and getting a prescription is just too much money to come off of right now. So, I am suffocating. Actually I have a little straw pushed through the mud and grime and am able to at least take small shallow breaths.

Adding to this, I've been having some issues with Chloe's dad. I've gone into some detail in earlier posts. I don't feel like getting into it right now but it doesn't seem like it's going to be getting any better anytime soon. In fact, he has threatened to make things messy for me in court if I don't agree to do the things he has asked me to.

Also, my grandma was diagnosed as terminally ill last Friday. She only has a couple weeks to maybe a month to live. Hospice has been called in and we are all spending as much time with her as possible waiting for the day to come that she has no more breaths to take. It has been quite an experience watching my family pull together so tightly to support one another. Watching my mom cope with the fact that she is losing her mom in so short a time has been extremely difficult for me. I've been trying to be as supportive as I possible, giving her all of the love and attention she needs right now. It's going to be so rough for her. I can't imagine my life without my mother in it. I know it will happen some day but thinking about what that will be like is too much. I can't imagine what she's actually going through.

We are all rallying round each other and really just being there for one another.

I may not be around much in the next couple of weeks. I really need to get my head on straight and deal with these family things.

Keep us in your thoughts and prayers.


Angie said...

No wonder you feel like a land slide is racing towards you. Honey, I think anyone in your situation would feel overwhelmed to say the least. I will keep you in my thoughts and prayers. Stay strong, you are one tough cookie. In fact I think you are one of the strongest people I know. Hang in there! XOXO

the weirdgirl said...

I will definitely keep you and your family in my thoughts. Hang in there. I hope things get better soon. (Or maybe someone with the same meds can sneak some your way? I know you're not supposed to but my family passes around their meds a lot. We have a lot of depression in the family. Even when someone goes off the meds we always seem to keep the extras for "just in case".)

Please take care!

Woman on the Verge said...

Thanks for your well wishes guys!

Rebecca said...

Hey Summer,

I am so so sorry to read about everything going on with you. It breaks my heart to hear what a full plate you've got. I second Angie's comment. You are one of the strongest people I know and you will find a way to keep taking breaths from that straw. But, in the mean time, I'm praying for you and sending you lots of e-love and e-huggs!