Monday, May 28, 2007

Sometimes......

I get the feeling I am living in a war zone with a 3 year old as the general, foot soldier and executioner.

Sometimes....

I wonder why relationships are so difficult to maintain. Not between spouses but between friends. I have been kind of agonizing over a friendship that is very dear to me. I learned my lesson years ago about being a good friend. I lost a very special person because of I didn't work hard enough to maintain it. Because I got too caught up in my own personal bullshit to think about her feelings. I have learned that no matter what, you cannot do that. It is my belief that when you embark on a relationship with another person, you become, in some ways, responsible for their feelings.
The majority of my friends have no children. I realize I need to seek out friends with kids. People that understand what my life is like and whom I can will listen sympathetically to my woes and excitedly to my triumphs as a parent. This blog has been my only real connection to other mother's. It's difficult though when the friends I have, have been around for at least a decade.
One of my closest friends got married two years ago and we have always just hung out as married couples regardless of my kids. We have always made it a point to spend quality girl time together, be it shopping during the day or drinking copious amounts of wine on my porch at night. Until recently. She has become acquainted with another "soon to be" married couple and spending a lot of time with them. I don't want to be like "me! me! me!" I know we all need other friends but every time I call her lately to hang out, and I am the one to call, she is busy with the other girl. I figured that at some the fact that I do have kids and my life revolves around them would become, maybe not an actual issue, but a point of widening the gap of our friendship. I knew this deep down but have trudged along almost oblivious to it. I guess maybe hoping it wouldn't happen. I'm afraid it has happened. Maybe for reasons I can't see, but my feeling is because I am lame now that I am a mom. Ech...it sucks. Maybe I am being too sensitive and reading into it too much. I don't know...we shall see.

6 comments:

faithinflorida said...

You know, I have done to that friends before but honestly, the ones who really love me for me stick around even through the crap. And the ones who didn't well, they are friends no longer. Unfortunately, there are a few of them. But the ones that stick around make it all worth it.

Anonymous said...

Yah, or better yet - maybe the one's that can leave the friendship so easily, were never your friend to begin with. Think about yourself for instance. How may "friends" have you done that to? Left them by the wayside - as if you would never turn back - even if you were the one that did something wrong. Hmmmmm.

Anonymous said...

Gosh... I am one of those poeple who forgot that I was responsible for a friend's feelings & yes the friend was you.

I remember having the "responsible for feelings talk". I'm glad that it has stuck with you as it has with me.

My friend list has now dwindled down to a managable number, yet the responsibility for feelings has increased. I am a bit sad however that we don't get to share time together anymore.

Sorry that I am anonymous. Maybe someday I'll come out of the closet.

Please don't confuse me with ANON 1, as that person sounds very familiar and is an F-in Arse!

Some things never change

Woman on the Verge said...

I'm sooo confused! Who are you people!?!?

Anonymous said...

ANON 2 SAYS:

Please don't be confused. Just know that there are people who think about you and wish only the best for you.

Rebecca said...

Wow.

Summer, strong women create strong reactions. ;-)

I just got here, and wanted to assure you that I wasn't one of your anonymous commenters. Not my style.

However, your post did hit home to me. All over again, I mourn the distance between us. All of the distances. I miss you.

I'm sorry to read about your current friend troubles. Sometimes friendships ebb and flow regardless of the care to put into them. And it doesn't have to mean that there is love lost. Maybe your paths are just taking you on different journeys. I think that is a part of life too. have you tried to talk to your friend about your worries?

Perhaps the other crummy experiences you've had with friendship is making you assume the worst prematurely?

I'm thinking of you, girl. It will work out.