Wednesday, September 20, 2006

The Big Debate
Stay at Home Vs Career

There seems to be an ongoing debate about the issue of stay at home mom's vs career mom's. There are a lot of high strung emotions surrounding this issue and plenty of opinions being thrown out from both sides. They all seem to me to be wildly one-sided and too harshly judgemental of the other. Many seem to me to be ignorant and not very well thought out. Certainly not very many of these "opinion throwers" are trying to view things from all perspectives. I've read a lot of articles and interviews from both sides of the debate given by very articulate, educated women. Yet I still am dumbfounded by the apparent ignorance these women give themselves over to when discussing this. I'm usually left with a feeling of anger and I'd like to shake them all by their necks until they see the light. I thought I would use this blog as a sounding board for my own opinions and feelings on this issue. I hope I don't fall under the same category of women I speak of above.

I stayed at home with my daughter for a year and a half when it was decided my family needed more income to survive. The cost of living rising and the cost of taking care of a baby was a lot more than we envisioned it being. We needed two incomes just to pay the bills. It was a hard choice to make and dropping my daughter off at daycare that first day was heartbreaking. It's been a year and a half and it's still heartbreaking. This isn't something I wanted to do and certainly when I thought about having children I thought I would stay home with them. Unfortunately life doesn't always work out the way you think it will and hard choices must be made in order to give your family other things they need. Like food and clothes and a roof over their heads. I feel extremely lucky to have had the time I did to spend with her and to bond with her. I know a lot of women don't have that luxury.

There are quite a few different catagories of mother's. Single mom's that have to work ( I fall in that catagory these days). Career mom's that choose to work because it makes them feel strong and they enjoy their careers. Careers they spent many years at college preparing for. They want to show their children (daughters) how to be strong in the workplace and that they too can have high powered corporate jobs. This is their choice. I see nothing wrong with this as long as the kids always come first. I too want my daughter to know she can excel at any job a man can do. Then there are the mom's that have the money, the ability and desire to stay home.

I know that there are mother's without lots of money that decide to stay home. Families that choose to budget themselves and sacrifice for what they feel is the better of the two choices. More power to ya, I say. And more power to every women who makes a choice for her family and herself regardless of what the opinions of others may be.

Honestly I don't think it's anyone else's fucking business what each individual parent/mother chooses to do with her time, whether it be staying at home or working. Each to their own. I feel that as long as you are making good decisions for your fam it's all gravy folks. It's all gravy. We all have different feelings about what a "mom" should be and I will say that a lot of people out there have ridiculous expectations of themselves and others. (Yay for my runon sentences!) Give it a rest already! Why is it important to you, who lives across the country what I do with myself and my children? They are happy, healthy, well-rounded little people who I know miss me during the day but certainly get all they can of me when we get home. I wish I could spend more time with them but other responsibilities prevail sometimes and I have to put food on the table, ya know?

Anywho...this topic was brought even more to the forefront of my mind recently when a friend of my sister's (both stay at home mom's) saw mw out to lunch with her sans kids...we talked for a few minutes before she piped in saying "we're missing some kids. Where are your babies Summer?" "At daycare, I'm working today." " daycare." And she rolled her eyes and preceded to ignore me. Um hello, witchy woman. Who exactly do you think you are? I got PISSED. Saw her a couple weeks later at my sisters and my sis was like "Oh S, you remember, name inserted here." Me: "Oh yeah, you're the one that shunned me bacause I have to work and my kids are in daycare. Yeah. I rememeber you." She got and more red. I am not a doormat. I am a working mom beyotch, and just because you think you are better than me does not mean you can try to humiliate me, shun me, or talk down to me.

Take that.

No comments: