Notes To Future Self

1) Red wine and Jagermeister...do not mix well. Refrain from ever consuming both beverages on the same night again!

2) Sitting bare-assed while drunk on the dirty garage floor is a big no no. It will result in strange and unfortunate bug bite around vagina.

3) Under no circumstances whatsoever comment on strangers boobs. While meant as a compliment it will be taken badly.

4) Keep own boobs constrained in shirt. They are not what they used to be and no one likes to see them now. (Besides husband and he has to say he likes them.)

5) Do not fall asleep naked on couch when husband has friends hanging out in the garage. They will get more than they came over for and look at you funny from then on.