The Lowdown on the Showdown

It's been an interesting week here at casa de la petit dictators. Getting settled in as a stay-at-home mom. Getting a schedule and trying to make peace with the fact that 80% of my conversations will from now on be with two people under 3 feet tall. It's been wonderful being here with them and I'll be honest...it's also been hard. Usually by 5-6 o'clock, I am exhausted and ready for a break. The Mr. has been working 6 days a week and with him having only one day off, I have only one day off, so.....needless to say. ARG!!

Onto other things. We are leaving(the kids and I) for Miami tomorrow afternoon for 6 days...yay! Vacation! I am so looking forward to this trip, for the time away and the good food I'm sure to eat. The beautiful people I can ogle at the beach and the relaxation of my sister-in-laws house. Not looking forward to a six hour drive with two kids by myself, but hey. It will be worth it.

Ok. Now the Lowdown. Over two years ago I started a case with the state for child support against Chloe's dad. It took a year for anything to happen and when I say anything, that is exactly what I mean. A full year to process the application and send out financial affidavits. Another full year to process those and finally two months ago I received and proposed final order. Saying that with his income he should be paying me X amount of dollars each month, with tens of thousands owed in back support and he must carry insurance on her. He has been paying me less than half of what the state says he should pay. He has never carried insurance on her. He has only given extra help twice when things were tough. I have asked numerous times. We have had MANY conversations about child support and I have tried very hard to make him aware of what any judge would rule if we went to court. I'm a reasonable person and don't want to take him to cleaners but he has never heeded my warnings and now he has major sticker shock. Sorry? Oh well? I told you so? In any case we have a hearing in front of a judge in August to determine the outcome and the set support. A final order will FINALLY be put in place after two long years of this business. I'm so ready for it to be over.

My biggest fear with this is that the relationship I have worked so very hard to build with him is going to come crashing down. Money is a nasty business and the issue of child support probably the nastiest of any of it. I have made life so easy for him over the last four years and have bent over backwards trying to push him in the right direction towards a better relationship with his daughter at the sacrifice of myself. So many things I've wanted to say to him and have kept my mouth shut in order to keep around for her. Last night his girlfriend dropped Chloe off at home and we stayed up until 12:30 am talking about everything that has been going on. She has been a single mother since 19 and has had a rough go of it with her daughter's dad. She tells Scott constantly how good he has it with me and if it were her, she would have been making his life hell. She reminds him that he has never walked a day in my shoes and all of the complaining he does about me is bullshit. That his saying I can bitchy is ridiculous, I have every right to be bitchier. To be meaner. To be downright hateful for all of the fucked up things he has put me through. You know what I say to that? You can take this little amount of bitch I give you and shove it up your ass. There is so much more bitch where that came from and you are lucky I haven't let it out. I could make his life miserable so easily and have chosen not to for the sake of my little girl. So...fuck off.

**Sorry for the tangent, just irritated after talking to her about this last night**

I refuse to be the bad guy in this. I will not be. I have tried too hard for too long to make this work to let anything screw it up. Even him. He says he has no desire for this situation to get ugly. He wants something set in stone as much as I do. But is it possible? Can we make it to the finish line of this without it becoming a disaster? God, I hope so.

On a lighter note: Yesterday we were swimming with my girlfriend Sara, talking about the trip to Miami and how excited we are.
Sara to Chloe: So, you're going to visit your Auntie in Miami?
C: No we're going to my mommy's Ami.
I guess my talking about MIami translated to her meant me saying My Ami. As in mine. The mommy's. How freakin adorable!