Thursday, November 23, 2006

Bad Mom Alert!

Ok, so I feel like the shittiest most awful mother on the face of the freaking planet. Yes, that also includes mothers who eat their young. Let me explain....
Yesterday the kids and I were at my mom's visiting with her and my step-dad. I stepped out on the back patio to talk to my dad in Oklahoma to get better reception on my cell phone and when I came back inside I didn't see my little babu standing against the inside of the french door. I swung it open and KABLAM! he fell backwards cracking his head on the tile floor. No damage to his head (he can thank his daddy-o for the rock hard skull) thank goodness but he was a-screamin bloody fucking murder so I scooped him up to comfort him and saw blood gushing, GUSHING, from his mouth. Holy Shit! Holy Shit! Holy Fuck Me Shit! There was sooo much blood. I completely freaked out. I KNEW that it was bad. The kind of KNOW that only a mom can have with their children. I gave him a baggie of ice to gnaw on to stop the blood flow and stop the swelling that was already out of control. It was B.A.D. Really. I was not over reacting. I called his pediatrician and was somewhat calmed down. She said there wasn't a whole lot that could be done by them or the emergency room. We would have to wait to see a dentist. She gave me some solid advice and put my mind at ease. Kind of. She said if the tooth isn't loose then it should be ok for a few days. Well, the tooth isn't loose per say but when he fell back his jaw snapped together and his bottom teeth slammed into his top teeth in the back and forced one of his front top teeth forward. It actually pushed it forward enough that the tooth split his gum in the front. That tooth is now longer than the others and is WAY more crooked. Sheesh. I cried for most of the day and night. Thankfully he feels fine. He was playing 10 minutes later like nothing ever happened and he still adores me. I am the one with the pain now. This aching in my heart. The knowledge that I hurt my child very badly. That he may lose that tooth because of me and that there may be permanent damage to his adult tooth because of it. Like I said. He is Fine. Feeling no pain and in a most fabulous mood. I, on the other hand, am not fine. Everytime he smiles at me I burst into tears. The good ol' doc said that this kind of thing happens so much often than I might think. That babies put themselves into situations and get in places we can't always help. Doesn't make me feel much better. I need to be more watchful and careful.
I most certainly am beating myself balck and blue emotionally over this.
My poor, poor babu.
I'm sorry Jack.


Rebecca said...

Oh Sweetie! AAAA! That SUCKS! I'm sure all will be just fine. And I'm sure I would be just as miserable as you. Or maybe I should say I WILL be just as miserable when such an inevitable accident occurs at our house. Isn't it nuts that accidents like this always happen over a holiday, long weekend or vacation? So sorry to hear if your misfortune! I hope you will be feeling better soon.

Thanks for your Thanksgiving message on our machine. I hope we can catch up this weekend. XOXOXO

Real Life in South Carolina said...

Hi, I come to your blog from time to time but have never left a comment. I hope by now you are done beating yourself up over this unfortunate incident. The fact that you are so mad at yourself over what happened just shows what a good mom you are! You care about your kids!

Almost every mom I know has gone through similiar situations, so don't be too hard on yourself! You aren't alone!