Saturday, September 30, 2006

Where Does the Time Go?

Do you ever feel like you are in one of those money machines? You know the ones you stand in and money is flying around you while you try to grab as many of those dollar bills as you can? Except not money...time. Seconds, minutes, days and sometimes whole years? That's me. Standing in that closed up little box, trying like hell to grab some time but I can't see a damn thing because the fan is blowing my hair all around my face and I can't do anything but push it out of the way fruitlessly. Damn it.

The weeks seem to go by quickly. Here it is Saturday again and Little Man is gone with his daddy. It seems like I just got him back. It's like I blink and wham, another week has gone by. I remember when I was little and couldn't wait for Christmas or Summer vacation. When it seemed like FOREVER in between these two markings of time passing and I would hear my parents say "oh my god, it's Christmas again..this year went by so fast." I would be like wtf? Fast? Umm no, it took and eternity to come around. Now I get it. I no longer mark the passing of time with Christmas or Summer vacation. I mark it with the changing of the seasons, which I love, and my children's birthdays, with which I have a love/hate relationship. I try like hell to squeeze as many memories as I can between these markers.

Today is Princess Priss's 3rd birthday. A blink and she 3. When I blink again, will she be 13? 30? Will I have grandchildren? The answer to all of those is, yes. Yes, yes and yes. But today, she is 3 and I will revel in all of her little 3 yr old ways. I will savor the beauty of her innocence. I will love her uncondtionally. I will be her friend. Most of all, I will let her grow up. Let her become the girl she needs to be and eventually the woman she wants to be. I will revel in her battles. Her losses and her victories. Her loves and her heartbreaks. I will allow her imagination to flourish and for her to realize that not all things you dream come to pass. She is the dream I never thought I I can't imagine a life without her in it. Thankfully we don't always get what we ask for.

1 comment:

Rebecca said...

Seriously, where does the time go? I was looking through my photos of Chloe’s birth; what an amazing day! I will always remember my joy at watching her birth, the wonderment. I will never ever forget how you looked at your little bundle with so much love once she was in your arms. Thank you once again for allowing me to be a very small part of that miracle. Happy Birthday to Chloe and congratulations on three years of motherhood to you!