There is one moment in every mother's life when she fully realizes the ferocity of her love for her child. For some, this happens at birth and for others, it happens at a different point down the road but we all come to this realization with a crash. A quintessential turning point in our lives. It was as overwhelming for me then as it is for me now and I can imagine that fifty years down the road, I will be just as amazed.
My life with my mother has always been rough. We never got along and it's almost needless to say that we fought like cats and dogs for most of my teenage years. It was really only after I had given birth to Chloe that I knew how she could continue to love me through everything I put her through. How that love is unwavering and so strong. I gained a new respect for her and these days she is not only my mother but also my best friend. We talk every day, sometimes twice a day. I can't imagine living a day without her rooting for me, being my biggest fan, my confidante, my shoulder to cry on. She is my mom. The only one I will ever have.
My mom felt the same way about her mother. There were times my grandma would irritate her, piss her off beyond all belief but she was always her mother. The only one she would ever have. Watching my mom lose hers has been a very hard thing for me to do. The mortality of my loved ones has become shockingly clear and I find myself thinking daily about the time when I too will have to brace myself for the loss of my mom. I too will have to face a world without her. I can't imagine it but I know it will happen.
I feel so very special to have been able to witness some tender moments shared between my mom and grandma. Hands held, eyes eating each other up. Memorizing every detail. As if their faces weren't already firmly implanted in each others hearts and minds forever. I sat by my grandma's bed and watched her look at my mom with such love, such intensity. It reminded me of the way my mom looks at me sometimes. The way I look at my own children. This look reminded me of gazing at my newborn baby for the first time. It was so amazing and heartwarming, also so heart wrenching knowing this would be one of the last times they would be able to simply look at each other.
The strength of that bond which holds mother and child so closely together never loosens it's grip. Never falters. It is a bond that lasts through eternity.